Axon's Automotive Anorak: Cars so ugly, they're beautiful

The poor unsuspecting lady, oblivious of our collective immature giggling, was not a natural beauty, yet she had an unusual attractive charm and style that we all fell for. After all, boys will be boys…

Once she had vacated the pub, one of my friend’s commented that she reminded him of an early 1990s Alfa Romeo SZ, not a great looker on first acquaintance, but with a lingering and beguiling attraction that was difficult to resist.

We all knew exactly what he meant, which set me thinking about other cars that could be considered as ‘ugly, beautiful;’ cars that have that certain allure, although you are not certain why. Here’s half-a-dozen – including the Alfa - that I think naturally fall into the ‘ugly beautiful’ category, some of which I like, and others that personally I remain unconvinced about, even after 40 years or more… You will probably disagree, but…

1989-91 Alfa Romeo SZ (ES30)

It was a tense but exciting moment. On Tuesday 7^th March 1989, me, along with hundreds of other expectant motoring journalists and many Alfa enthusiasts, waited patiently next to the covered turntable-mounted ‘mystery’ car on the Alfa Romeo stand on the Geneva Motor Show press day

Expectations and the pressures on Alfa Romeo, were high as this famous Milanese car marque – beloved by millions of motoring enthusiasts the world over – had been going through one of its many and regular ‘rough patches’ at the time. Alfa was in desperate need of something new, exciting and sporty to reawaken interest and confidence in the brand, and the rumours of a possible Zagato involvement in this mystery new model were rife.

So, after the inevitably too-long introductory corporate speech at its Geneva reveal, the wrap came off, and there was a collective gasp of amazement as Alfa’s new SZ broke cover for the first time. Like most other observers present, I was both shocked and surprised at the same time, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. The new Zagato-built SZ had made the desired impact, stealing the 1989 Geneva Salon and grabbing the headlines.

Originally conceived by the gifted Robert Opron - the designer of the Citroen SM, CX and Renault Fuego - the Alfa (not Zagato) designed SZ was confirmed for a limited 1,000-unit production run. Alfa was inundated with orders, and early placings on the SZ waiting list sold for a premium.

Being a huge Alfa fan, and already owning a Zagato-bodied model at the time, (the wedge-shaped Junior Zagato 1300), I instantly fell for the new SZ, with its challenging but bold design raising two fingers up to the establishment. The odd-shaped windscreen and roof, the menacing six headlights, the truncated tail. How very Alfa Romeo and very, very Zagato. By no means beautiful, but unmistakably striking (leading to its il Monstro nickname), the Alfa 75 V6-based SZ remains one of the most original and coveted cars of the 1990s. I absolutely love ‘em.

1961-69 Citroen Ami 6 Berline:

To most observers’ eyes, Citroen’s distinctive Ami 6 Berline (Saloon), with its Ford Anglia-esque reverse-rake rear window and unusual design is just plain ugly. I love it though, for its oh-so-French couldn’t-care-less-about-the others attitude and the fact that Citroen was brave (mad?) enough to sign off the design. I also love that it became France’s best-selling car for a couple of years in the mid-1960s and that it was the first mass-production economy car in the world to use rectangular (not round) headlamps.

The Ami 6 Berline was joined by the marginally more conservative looking (to some) Break estate version, and both were replaced in 1969 by the far more conventional (by Citroen standards) Ami 8 models, based on the 2CV’s separate chassis platform.

Styled by Citroen’s visionary in-house designer Flaminio Bertoni (the designer of the far-sighted 1934 Traction Avant and 1955 DS), the Ami 6 was said to have been the car Bertoni was most proud of styling!

1998-2010 Fiat Multipla:

Fiat’s innovative Multipla was bound to make it onto a short-list of Ugly-Beautiful cars. When briefing its design and engineering teams to come-up with something radical to re-shape and shake-up the medium MPV market segment, Fiat’s management took a very bold and daring decision.

Revealed as a ‘concept car’ at the Paris Motor Show, the unique Multipla was surprisingly well received, with the real surprise coming when Fiat announced that it would actually produce the car, in the same form as previewed in Paris!

Not taking itself too seriously at the model’s British press launch, Fiat UK placed stickers on the rear of its Multipla press fleet, saying ‘if you think the back’s ugly, take a look at the front!’

Despite is distinctive looks (which personally I admire) the Multipla was a very clever and innovative bit of kit, with a cunning modular platform and enough space within its modest dimensions for six passengers; three in the front and three in the rear.

Due to the huge costs of developing new models and platforms now, plus most car makers’ over-reliance on dreaded focus group market research (what do us consumers now about how our new cars will look in the future, if the experts at the manufacturers don’t?!) leads me to believe that we won’t see the like of original cars like the Multipla again, as the car companies bean counters won’t allow their engineers and designers to take the risk. So, for having the courage to produce the Multipla, Fiat, I salute you!

1975-96 Jaguar XJ-S:

When Jaguar (under British Leyland’s management at the time) revealed its range-topping V12 XJ-S grand tourer in 1975, the world was shocked, with many Jaguar enthusiasts in deep mourning for the iconic E-type V12 Leyland’s new GT coupe replaced. 

Low, squat, fat, the design of the XJ-S always looked unresolved. Sure, it had some distinctive styling cues; those flying buttress C-pillars at the rear, inspired by Pininfarina, plus the large semi-oval headlamps, looking like they’d been stolen from the Citroen Ami 6, but this was certainly no E-type!

More than 40 years on from first seeing it, I have warmed to the charms of the XJ-S, although I still think it’s ugly, especially in its facelifted (or should that be rear-end lifted) form, but the model does now have a certain Britishness and Jaguar quality to it, making it very much at home in the local golf course car park.

1977-95 Porsche 928:

Looking rather like an AMC Pacer (of Wayne’s World fame) that has been sat on by a rather heavy elephant, the capable but ugly Porsche 928 is an unfortunate looking car in my view. Those hideous dead fish eye pop-up headlamps might have been unusual back in 1977, but boy were they ugly, killing any chance this potentially sleek three-door GT coupe might have had on the style front. Amazingly Porsche revisited this awful idea too, inflicting the facelifted 944 with the same dead fish lamps on its revised 968. Yuk!

The 928’s curvy fat tail, like a stocky matron, didn’t improve matters at the rear either, and those recessed tail lights, suck deep into the huge bumper, just added to the misery. Shame really, as the 928 wasn’t a bad car for effortlessly eating up endless miles on long Continental jaunts, and it was certainly more practical and easier to live with than the ubiquitous 911 that it was originally designed to replace. What might have been hey if the 928 had carried the future hopes of Porsche’s success on its broad but flabby shoulders!

1985-91 Subaru XT:

Subaru is one of those all-too-rare car companies that like to carve its own niche and do things its own way, for which I applaud it. Subaru has never been known for producing beautiful, stylish cars, as their beauty lies underneath, in their innovative and often cunning engineering. 

The Japanese marque’s quirky 1985 XT coupe (Alcyone in Japan and Vortex down under) plunged new depths though when it came to aesthetic appeal, it’s extreme wedged profile looking more like the work of Stevie Wonder, rather than an Italian haute-couture design house.

With its Subaru ‘signature’ flat-for and six engines, mated to a part-time all-wheel-drive platform, on the move the XT sounded great and didn’t disgrace itself among more powerful traffic. Hey, it even had a quirky system that automatically engaged the all-wheel-drive system when the driver switched on the windscreen wipers! And as for the XT’s unusual non-symmetric steering wheel, this has to be one of the most original designs of all time. The car could have been a commercial success, but frustratingly its odd looks let the XT down, and it will forever be remembered (by a few fellow anoraks only I suspect) as a missed opportunity; a.k.a. a huge flop!