Five pointless motorcycle inventions | GRR
‘Two wheels good, four wheels bad’, is the phrase often banded around by bikers, showing their allegiance for everything motorcycle.
But alas, not everything on two wheels is as wonderful as we’d like to let on – there is awful weather, bad drivers and countless breakdowns to contend with – and that’s before we even consider the bike... And while gadgets and gizmos are forever being invented to make our lives easier, often they end up exacerbating an already faff-filled situation.
But which are the weirdest and worst of two-wheeled accessories - from fashion fails to tech that failed to take off? Read on to discover our five favourites…
Sidewinder
A ‘lean machine’ may have completely different connotations nowadays, but back in the eighties it was a rather clever device, designed to make any motorcycle learner-legal.
Yep, you read that right. Attach the Sidewinder to your 74bhp Kawasaki H2, and you would have a 126mph widowmaker that you could ride without a licence. Yikes…
So how exactly did it get around those learner laws? It was simple – while learner motorcycles were restricted to 125cc, sidecar outfits weren’t. And the Sidewinder was a mail order leaning clip-on that could make any motorcycle a sidecar unit. Aimed solely at the learner market, it couldn’t carry a passenger, or even luggage, but it could open up a whole world of possibilities to new riders.
And despite the odd appearance, it was apparently quite popular. So perhaps the Sidewinder actually belongs on the ‘best motorcycle inventions’ list.
Helmet accessories
Whoever said that ‘accessories make everything better’ clearly didn’t consider motorcycle helmet accessories, which in fact make life so much worse for those of us who have to look at them.
Elmo heads, furry ears, and tails that wouldn’t look out of place in a kink club are enough to make the majority of motorcyclists cringe in disgust, and mark the wearers out as the kind of people who define their personality in Harry Potter quotes.
A little harsh? Perhaps. But these abominations are quite possibly the worst motorcycle inventions I have ever seen and, quite frankly, deserve to go extinct.
Helmet windscreen wiper
Leading on from the above, this is a slightly more useful, however still awful, lid bijou.
In theory, it’s a great idea, transferring car technology on to two wheels and offering bikers a respite from the relentless rain. But in actual fact it adds unnecessary complication on to an already time-consuming process, especially when you consider that most gloves feature a rubber strip that does the job perfectly adequately anyway…
Helmet mounted rear view mirrors
OEM motorcycle mirrors are ugly, awkward and usually the first thing to break in the event of a fall. Just ask most custom bike builders, who will go to any length to remove or relocate the pesky things.
Throughout two-wheeled history, various solutions have been found to replace them, and none have been more controversial than the helmet-mounted mirror. First, there was the simply-named helmet mirror, designed by Pete Rannie in 1950, and showcased in Popular Science magazine at the time. After that failed to take off, next came the, a slightly less obtrusive design, which incorporated the mirror into a motocross style visor.
Sold by the legendary racer Malcolm Smith in the 70s, the Visor-Vu was a little more successful, with Steve McQueen even seen using one in On Any Sunday. However, it didn’t catch on, which is a shame really, because with the resurgence of vintage motorcycling and the Scrambler scene, we imagine it would go down a treat now.
Self-balancing bikes
Everyone remembers the Weebles, right? The doll that you just couldn’t knock over, no matter how much you tried…
It seems Honda certainly did, and at CES 2017 unveiled its Riding Assist bike as part of its "Cooperative Mobility Ecosystem". The self-balancing motorcycle used robotics technology (rather than gyroscopes) to reduce the likelihood of it falling over while at a standstill.
It wasn’t the first self-balancing bike, either – back in 2012, Lit Motors unveiled the C-1, the world’s first gyroscopically stabilized, two-wheeled all-electric vehicle. Designed, machined, and built by hand from the ground up in San Francisco, the C-1 promised impressive performance figures – top speed in excess of 100mph, an estimated range of up to 200 miles and 0-60 acceleration of roughly six seconds. It even had a rather palatable price point, due to start at $24,000 on launch in 2014 and dropping to half that within four years when the model reach mass production (100,000 units).
However, after years of delayed timelines, empty promises, legal issues and court cases, the model has failed to materialise and, despite its gyroscopic promise, the project appears to have been knocked down once and for all.