Axon's Automotive Anorak: Are we the worst drivers in the world?

Coming up behind me, still quite some distance away, but clearly travelling fast, I could see the headlamps of a vehicle gaining rapidly in my rear-view mirror, hogging the outside lane of an empty (apart from me) four-lane section of motorway.  As the fast-moving vehicle flew past, with me driving in the inside lane, and it in the far outside lane with still no other traffic on the road, I was disappointed – but not totally surprised – to see the car passing at high-speed was UK-registered, proudly wearing its GB sticker, and remaining in the outside lane, despite there being nothing else on the road at all. 

Having already driven around 350 miles that day, this GB-plated Mercedes E-Class was the only vehicle I had seen all day with such lousy lane discipline, and very embarrassingly, it was being driven by a Brit! For nine days and nearly-2,800 miles, driving around France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Switzerland and Germany, our Continental cousins all displayed near-faultless motorway lane discipline and driving etiquette, indicating and returning to the correct lane as soon as they had passed another vehicle.

However, within 10 minutes and about five miles of returning to UK roads, joining the busy M20 motorway directly from the Euro Tunnel exit, I was already having to drive around countless cars and vans, all hogging the middle lane. Aargh!

Nine days of faultless Continental motorway driving, and within minutes I’m being wound-up by idiotic and selfish British motorists, seemingly paranoid about driving in the inside lane, or ‘slow’ lane as it is often mistakenly referred to.

Middle-lane hoggers seem to be a uniquely British breed, a group that should be suitably punished not only for their shellfish, arrogant and irresponsible behaviour but also for dangerous driving, causing congestion, vehicle bunching and fellow driver frustration, all potentially leading to accidents. 

Increasingly we now see many motorists having to pull out from the inside lane to pass these centre-lane hoggers, pulling out at the last minute into the third, outside lane, and then pulling directly back in front of these inconsiderate idiots, indicating as they do so. It seems the law takes a dim view of this driving behaviour, as it does of undertaking too, which we also seem to witness happening increasingly these days. 

I will even admit to the performing the former manoeuvre when needs must; indicating, pulling out to pass the offending mid-lane moronic motorist, and sliding quickly back into the inside lane, with some very obvious left-hand indication. Occasionally the day-dreaming driver just passed will get the message and also pull into the inside lane. More often as not, however, they will just selfishly remain hogging the centre lane, like complete buffoons.  Some of the really idiotic ones will even flash you in the process as if you’re the driver in the wrong! Truly astonishing.

To me, middle-lane hogging is a more serious and dangerous crime than creeping a few miles over the archaic 70 mph speed limit, set 50 years ago when the vehicle braking, performance, emissions, safety standards and the average age of vehicles on our roads were considerably different to today.

It’s time decisive action was taken against these centre-lane cretins, with higher fines and points issued to the guilty parties. Who knows, had one of the political parties proposed to clamp down on middle-lane hoggers in its manifestos a couple of months ago, they might have just won a few more votes, possibly including mine!